I finally could upload two videos of the tió, so if you want to see them, you can click on these two links:
video 1
video 2
For some strange reason, I can't post them directly on the blog!
By the way, the song and voices are Catalan...

Bubbles and paint

Sometimes we tend to buy sophisticated toys, but among the gifts from the tió, the simplest entertainment proved to be one of the kids' favorites: this thing to make bubbles. They're always amazed!

Cristina was also fascinated with paint, as you can see. But this painting box turned out to be a bit of a nightmare. See what 3 minutes of unattended painting frenzy will get you...

That strange tradition from Catalonia

I couldn't upload a video of the tió, so I'll post pictures. This is how it works:1-the kids go to another room to pray or say a christmas verse2-they come back and take a stick and chant while hitting the log3-when the song is over they check under the tió for presents4-they repeat the same thing until there's only chocolate which means the tió is done, and won't give anymore presents...Don't ask me how kids believe this! they want to believe is my guess! (Is religion as easy as that? Just wanting to believe and not asking logical questions??)

Would you believe this is a Christmas tree?

It is. And I can't help but associate it with it's owner's temperament, my MIL. It's dry, austere, gloomy... I can tell the colorful lightbulbs are there because, after all, it is Christmas, and doing something festive is a must, a chore, but one must never be too happy about it. Just the bare minimum of Christmas spirit.

Our tió...

We have set the tió again, "he" needs to be stuffed with food so that on the 24th, he'll... release lots of presents for the children!

happiness

Is this pill going to make me happy?

Is it going to bring back my motivation to do things?

Is it going to change the grouchy me into a sugarcoated mom?

Will it actually make me want to iron clothes, pick up the kids happily and do all my daily chores as if I were a character in The Sound of Music??

If it is, so be it...

Pic of the day: daughters playing at high speed

nice....

My co-workers again... but this time it's nice. They decided I need some time off and arranged for us to go have dinner someplace and go to see a movie. I need to get a babysitter for tomorrow!
It was actually so nice of them... I've been a bit down lately.

"Friends" at work

Remember I was mad at one of my co-workers (there's two actually working in the same department I am) because she had made an insensitive comment about the lunatic doctor in France?. Ok, things are quite good since I talked to them both. I explained I had been through difficult times, even a bit depressed, and didn't feel much like sharing our experience of epilepsy with anyone (or them, at least, but I didn't say that). They said they felt I was shutting them out. After the talking, everything returned to normal, but I just don't see them under the same light. I still don't understand why they would feel so angry because I didn't share everything with them. It sounds a bit childish to me. And I remember a sentence they both used when I talked to them SEPARATELY. "We just didn't understand why you were so distant, when we had been so supportive..." I just don't feel that's ok. If you choose to be supportive you just don't brag about it, in my opinion. You don't remind your friend how much you've helped. That's kind of... low. And they actually said they wouldn't ask me again how my husband was doing, because I was being so "touchy". Great. I don't mind their not asking, in fact I appreciate, but I still think they're being... childish. They have kept their word, and have never asked me again how he's doing, or how I'm doing. And honestly, I prefer that. I prefer keeping my distance. We're civil, we're polite to each other and even friendly at times, but it's different now. They used to be a bit too "helpful". They always seemed to know what to do, and they insisted I should talk to my husband and make him understand he just can't be working on the same schedule, because that probably puts too much stress on him. It doesnt. He's happy at work, in fact he loves it. And he's an adult, let him decide. My two co-workers are the kind of people who not only listen to your problems, but also have a "solution". "Their" solution. And that can be annoying when all you want is somebody to listen without judging...

Romance

Alicia (5 years old) got a present yesterday from a boy in her class named Aleix, who, according to Alicia, wants to marry her. It was a necklace, wrapped in blue paper, with her name written in childish letters. As She unwrapped it, he told her he had made it himself. She stared at the big, colorful beads and asked "Is it made of candy?" and actually bit it. Talk about spoiling a romantic moment!!

Bats in the bellfree

You won't believe this... We went to see Mystery man yesterday. After driving for almost three hours we only had to wait for 4 hours to be called in. Waiting kills me. I'm worse than a kid, I get fidgety and anxious, even if I have magazines or crosswords to entertain me. It doesn't work. Maybe it would be ok if I really believed the waiting is worthwhile but...

The thing is, Dr Mystery asked some questions to my husband about his last seizure, did his little massage, and while he worked, I tried to get more information from him. I pressed until he told us more about him, but I have the feeling he only told us tales of how wonderful he is and how he's helped people. Even a very good neurologist in France, he said, asks him for advice with patients with epilepsy. "How?? How do you help?" I asked. Well... here comes the freaky part, he uses a pendulum. What the f*¨*k?? Yes, you incredulous bunch of unbelievers (I'm in here too), the pendulum helps him know if meds are good or not. So I pressed a bit more, completely clueless as to how this is supposed to work. "Why not try it with my husband?" Ok, he said. He left the room and came back with his ehem... pendulum. A silver chain with some apparently silver stuff hanging. Try not to laugh, ok? He asked what medication he takes and, completely serious, he pronounced the name of the meds while staring at the pendulum: "KEPPRA".... voilà, it doesn't work, keppra is not good for him, according to this incredible scientific experiment. And then the other drug: "ZONEGRAN".... some seconds and the pendulum says yes, it seems to work (we're so relieved the pendulum approves). Hubby and I stared at each other throughout the whole procedure, and he had to supress his laughter. "But you don't even have the pills here??" he just managed to tell the man while grinning at me. THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT, he said with his heavy French accent. The pendulum even told us when to take the pills!! Can you believe that??? All that trouble to end up with a lunatic?? Not to mention, all those years that laboratories spend on investigation, all that money, when all they need is a pendulum!!!! Oh my...
hubby is still willing to give him another chance, though. He says he may have his .... esoteric side but his massages might work... Insert BIG SIGH here.

New drug and another EEG

We went to see his epileptologist yesterday. We like him, inspite of the fact that we haven’t been able to stop seizures. He asked some questions, and then told us the best thing to do is to combine two medications. He had been taking valproat in the beginning but since it didn’t work we switched to keppra and now it will be both keppra and zonegran. In a month and half my husband needs to stay awake for a whole night and go to the hospital for an electroencephalogram to see how his brain responds to sleep deprivation and irritation. If I understood correctly, once there they’ll let him fall asleep and wake him up shortly after (how rude). So far, his brain seems perfect according to MRI, scans and such. We just don’t get why at this point in his life he has seizures and how come we follow this two month pattern... Before he had any seizures, and since he was 14 or 15, my husband remembers that he would suddenly jerk his arm without having control over it. Since this only happened once or twice a year, he hadn’t really thought it was important. The doctor did, though. He said it was a myoclonic jerk and it was clearly a sign of juvenile myoclonic epilepsy but now he’s not so sure because he explained that most (80%) JME respond well to valproat and seem to be fairly easy to control, but not his epilepsy. Maybe, just maybe, it’s another type. We’ll see... Thanks for listening. This must be a boring read. My eldest daughter was kind of scared on Sunday. When she saw her father arrive home she smiled, but she came closer to me also and took my hand...
Also, I’m sorry if I don’t comment on your blogs people, it’s kind of rude not to show up when you’re being so nice!!! I’ll do better... Today we’re going to France again to see Mystery doctor. He’s not so mysterious and not a doctor, but I still call him that ;-)

Damn pattern

I know I'm late, but I think I set myself some unrealistic standards!!
When I said I was anxious that hubby had not had a seizure in almost two months it's because so far, his condition seems to follow this pattern. In a way we were both happy that he seemed to be doing fine but at the same time, we knew we wouldn't be completely satisfied until we could say "it's been more than two months... more than three... " and we could leave epilepsy behind. But, he had a seizure yesterday (sunday). I was making lunch and he took the girls to a park nearby. Almost one hour later my cell phone rang. It was him except the voice on the end was not him, it was a woman. "Hello, you don't know me but we're here at the park and..." I didn't let her finish: "it's my husband? He had a seizure?". "Yes, but he's ok now, he's sleeping, we called an ambulance and I'm with your daughters"... She sounded calm. So I rushed to the park. There were some people gathered around him, and my daughters were playing with other kids. Thank god they all helped us. We don' really know these people, but we usually meet at this park, so we've actually seen each other before. When his seizure was over they went through his pockets, found his cell phone and tried to find a number that read "home" or something similar. The funny thing is they first called a restaurant without knowing, because it was listed under "Grandma's" which is the name of the restaurant :-)
So the ambulance came, they didn't take him to the hospital because I said no (I know it's no use, they would just refer us to his epileptologist) and instead took him to what we call a CAP (Primary attention center would be the rough translation). He just lay on some kind of stretcher and waited to be fully recovered. The doctor checked his eyes, coordination and such and after a while he said we could leave. This process is just like suddenly turning the computer off if you know what I mean. His brain shuts down suddenly and then he has to recover all the programs on his "hard disk" and that's kind of slow and disquieting. He mumbles incoherent things and slowly remembers people, places and bits of information. But when the reality of what had happened struck him, he was on the verge of tears and I hate to see him like that. He felt he was almost making it... it would have been two months... but no... We'll go see his epileptologist today.
I called my sister and she took care of the girls, and took them to a fashion show. My mother sells bridal gowns and she had some of her dresses on this show. I took some pics in the afternoon...

I'm a crappy blogger. I think it's a curse that I decided to start a blog in ENGLISH. I chose this language because 90% of the blogs I visit are written in English and it also gave me a chance to practice. BUT everytime I write I feel so uncertain... Am I choosing the right words?? Are they spelled correctly? Grammar mistakes??? I don't want you to tell me my writing is ok, I'm just explaining how I feel. I'll try to post something everyday, see how it works... even if it's only a photo. It's almost been two months since hubby had a seizure. That makes me kind of anxious... I forgot the whole baptising idea. I honestly can't say I believe in God, even though that would be so comforting. I was reading the Bible but I'm still stuck in the Old Testament. So I feel it would be unfair to force/induce my daughters to believe when I actually have such contradictory feelings about religion.
Lately my work hasn't been so boring. I had to go hunting with some men to write a report, and it was kind of fun... and even better, I had a chance to interview Ma.r.ja.ne Sa.tr.a.pi (I'm writing it this way just in case someone at work googles for her name and finds my silly blog). She's an Iranian cartoonist, living in France, and comes from a very liberal family. She's straightforward, looks you in the eye and can be quite intimidating. I have the feeling she says exactly what she wants and hates political correctness. I actually have her first books and it was really interesting...
Tonight we're going to a party hosted by our company... But we're like Cinderella, we'll be back home around midnight!!! (hubby is not supposed to stay up so late...)

Medieval Helpdesk...

This is too funny, you have to see it.... It's in danish with English subtitles...

Me?

Cristina speaks with a lisp. That's kind of cute. Now, everytime we walk pass a particular public advertising on the street she asks the same question: "Iz that you, mom?"

She's not old enough to be sarcastic.

"Yes, sweetheart, that's me" (should I laugh or cry??)

I'm not crazy

The psychiatrist I saw yesterday decided I'm not crazy (yet :-)) But thinks some added chemical in my life for some time, would help. So she prescribed pills. Apparently they're mild. She also wants me to talk to a psychologist too, once every two weeks or so... to my surprise, there are psychologists working in Social Security, so I won't have to pay at all, which is a big pleasant surprise because psychologists tend to be expensive. I found out some more about our mystery doctor. It seems like he's an osteopath, I talked to a couple of physicians who know him and spoke wonders of him. So it seems hubby is in good hands even if Dr Mystery is not a physician. Hubby's epileptologist said osteopathic treatment has proved effective in many cases, even though it has not been fully documented... so he told us that it's quite alright to continue seeing Dr Mystery, as long as it's a complementary thing. That does not mean he gives up on trying to find the right medication. He said for some patients it might take some time before we find the right drug...

Boring/Busy/low

Just a quick update.
Friday was family day. We all went for a family lunch along with my in-laws and other relatives on hubby's side. We were about 40 people, and I know only some of them. Somehow, I couldn't get in the "friendly-family occasions" mode, so to me the whole experience was quite boring.
Saturday was also a family day. We had our routine lunch at hubby's parents. Again, more family, and failed to set myself into "family friendly mode". Before lunch, I decided to go for a cup of coffee near our place. Alone. I don't do this quite often because I don't feel comfortable leaving the girls with hubby alone. What if he had a seizure? The five year old one could be taught to call me, but I'm not sure I should "train" her. Is a 5 year old too young to take that responsibility? Anyway, while I was reading a newspaper and sipping coffee, I decided to call H. I do that when I know he's alone. I need to know he's fine. He didn't pick up the phone. I called again. No answer. So I paid my unfinished coffee and rushed home. I arrived panting and quite scared. To find him shaving. "What, you're here alredy?" He said. "Why didn't you pick up the phone??!" I was angry and relieved at the same time. "It didn't ring", he said, defensively. We checked, and his cell phone was on "silence" mode... I need to learn not to freak out. To take things calmly. I know what I'm supposed to do if he has a seizure:
1-Stay calm
2-Prevent him from injury
3-Turn him on his left side.
4-Wait till it's over.
Somehow, I fail on number 1. Not that I scream or anything, but I have this rush of adrenaline... I get really scared. Tomorrow I'm going to see a psychiatrist! I'm not crazy (I think) but since I told my doctor I didn't want to take antidepressants so fast (I'd rather try to deal with this some other way), he referred me to a psychiatrist, to let him/her decide if I need pills or just some talking therapy... Finally, sunday was also family day, this time my folks. I didn't feel happy either.... Too many relatives for three days...

Strange...

Yesterday afternoon I walked into the kitchen and started hearing this strange noise. I thought it was an insect (a cricket??) and tried to locate the source. It led me to the pantry, in a shelf where we keep our medicines. I started pulling out boxes, the noise was coming from a box of suppositories. It was indeed strange, I opened the box, and carefully dropped the contents. I found this device inside:


I have no idea what it is and where it came from. Nor does H or the girls. Strange indeed.

Fashion dinner

I give up on Office Space. Instead, I give you a clip of my daughters, which is not the same, certainly, but at least there are no copyright issues with this one! I love the way Cristina laughs...