My B side

Again. He had another seizure this morning. I got home at 12 and called him. No answer. "Are you there??" I shouted. Nothing. I thought he must be taking a shower, since he had just gotten back from a soccer game. So I went into the bathroom, to find him lying on the floor, post-crisis, with a huge lump in his head... I called an ambulance, my legs shaking, and then I called a good friend. I couldn't bear to be alone this time, I don't know why. They arrived more or less at the same time. I haven't felt so bad since my grandmother died, and that was when I was eleven. I couldn't help thinking "is this some sort of punishment?" "Is it because I didn't keep my promise?" (you know...)
They had to give him anticonvulsionants because he had another seizure while the nurses were attending him, and then he was taken to the hospital. I've cried, I've wondered, I've felt guilty, for leaving him with the emergency staff while he was struggling to get the oxygen mask off his face. I know when he's post critic he hardly remembers anyone, so seeing me would have comforted him?? But I COULDN'T I can't bear to see someone I love so much looking so vulnerable and in pain.
He's recovering now, I've seen him and talked to him, and I'm going back to the hospital right now.
But this time I'll do what I promised, no matter what he says, no matter what I believe, which I still haven't really figured out... I still have issues with religion, but.... a promise is a promise... and a want my husband to grow old with me!! :-)
He's recovering now, I've seen him and talked to him.
PD: what we call social security seems to be working fine for us... funny I had posted about that only two days ago...
SOMEONE GIVE ME VALIUM!! (that whisky, James, would also work ;-)