Pau (3 years old) comes to play with my daughters (3 and 5) because his mom (J) and dad (my brother) are busy working. They play all afternoon, hubby is watching the Tour de France on tv, I'm reading. Sometimes we check on the kids, they just run around the house playing games, dressing up, stuff like that. We hear Pau crying. His nose is bleeding, which is not unusual for him. The bleeding stops, the kid just forgets... we agree to tell his mom but not make a fuss, we know both his mom and my brother tend to worry too much. However, when Pau's mom (J) comes to pick him up, Alicia blurts out "J, Pau's nose was bleeding soooo much, the blood was running down his lips, on his chin!! Soo much blood" She's exagerating, we know it, J knows it, when they see so much as a drop of blood my children get all excited.
The day after the "incident" I go see my brother.
Me -hi
B -hi. Did you see where Pau hit his nose yesterday?
Me -No, I was reading, maybe he didn't even hit his nose...
B -We'll check with the pediatrician, because he had some breathing difficulty...
Me -Really? It didn't seem like a big deal...
B -Yes, and he has a bruise too.
Me -A bruise? (I'm beginning to sound alarmed)
B -Yes... well, not much, just a little...
Me -Are you sure it's worth a visit to the pedi?
B -Yes. So you didn't see?
Me -No, you know I'm not constantly over them...
B -I know, I don't like people who are all the time on their back, but I don't like it when people never check up on kids when they're playing...
Me -Oh, that would be me? (why do I ask, I know the answer??)
B -Yes. You're so relaxed. Your husband keeps a better eye on children, doesn't he?
Me -You mean he's a better father. (I'm beginning to sound irritated)
B -No, I didn't say that. But you could check on the kids
Me -I did. Just not every two minutes.
Needless to say, the conversation didn't end so well. Maybe I should have watched over them more. They say there are no perfect parents, but maybe some are more perfect than others. I feel hurt. Even if there's some truth in my brothers words. It's a silly argument, I know... but this is not the first time he does that to me... In his eyes, I neglect my daughters. And it hurts.
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6 comments:
Just because you don't parent your children the same way that they do doesn't make how you do it any less significant.
Those girls are happy and healthy and don't need to be babied. As they get older, I'm certain they will be more self-sufficient because of your ways.
Even if you had been watching them, you may not have been able to stop the incident from happening.
You can't wrap kids in cotton and watch over them every second of their life. It smothers them. You were there. Don't let people try to guilt trip you where there is no reason to feel guilty.
Kids have to be allowed to be kids. They'll get hurt once in a while, and it's usually not a big deal. In fact, it's good for them; it teaches them about life, the bumps and the bruises.
However, sometimes, despite adequate supervision something bad happens.
What happened to Pau wasn't one of those bad things, it was probably not a big deal, and if he is that likely to be hurt, his parents should have made that clear to you.
My view: you did just what you should have done.
Thank you...
The thing is it might be hard to agree with them when it comes to "adequate supervision". We have a poisoned relationship, it's been like that for a long time. Anyway, they went to the doctor and the kid is just fine, nothing important. They will always feel I'm a careless mother and I'll always feel they're raising Pau as if he were a museum object, but I don't go as far as to tell them.
The mother of one of my childrens' classmates was over-protected from dirt. His mother was obsessive about it. She wouldn't let him go barefoot, and other such ridiculous things.
The kid was always sick. Whether it was because his immune system was weakened from the lack of being exposed to common attacks, or whether the kid was himself compulsive, I don't know. I do know that of all the kids my kids played with, he was the only one that had this problem.
Parents sometimes over-protect their kids; that is reality.
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